The more one of you reaches for connection, the more the other retreats. The more one retreats, the more the other panics or pushes for connection. Sound familiar? If so, you may be in an “Anxious-Avoidant” relationship.

“Anxious-Avoidant” refers to couples that developed different ways of relating to others and dealing with stress. This is called an “attachment style”. In an Anxious-Avoidant Couple, each partner has a different attachment style:

• The “Anxious” type tends to crave reassurance, closeness, and frequent connection. They often soothe their stress with physical closeness or communication. They may often feel insecure and require reassurance.

• The “Avoidant” type tends to crave stability, alone time and space. They often cope with stress by enjoying time alone and disconnecting from emotional or social situations. They may often feel overwhelmed and desire control of their time.

As you may notice, the coping skills of these two attachment styles are often in opposition with each other. One partner craves closeness, and the other craves space. Neither are wrong, but they are very different.

It is not about one of you caring more than the other. It is about two different nervous systems reacting to stress in opposite ways.

I help Anxious-Avoidant couples understand each-other better so they can offer compassion and support. You can create a life that’s fulfilling for both of you!